Not Dead Just Busy & Sulky

For my one reader (Mat), I want to reassure you I'm not dead or imprisoned in my basement. Just busy (conference and training season here in the glamorous world of dispute resolving) and over committed and stressed out.

However, my faith in my anti-seizurification meds is up as the frantic state of affairs seems ripe for brain malfunctions. Of course there may be an entirely new type of malfunction to worry about:

Depression Rate High in People with Epilepsy

A study published in a September 2004 issue of the medical journal Neurology reported that 36.5 percent of people with epilepsy suffer from depression.

Yup. One in three can't get smiley despite the bluebirds twittering a springtime some, the explosion of flowers and the trees getting frisky with their polleny love.

So far this spring, I'm not frolicking in the fields or breaking into song when it rains. I'm on the couch generally feeling sorry for myself, sulking and moody. The spring rain clouds are directly over my head.

Maybe it is just chemical imbalances. Maybe it is because I'm over extended and kind of pissed off that I've done it to myself. Maybe I'm just being a whine baby, need to suck it up and stoically get back to work.

Or maybe it is a hardware problem and it will never go away. If so, I'm investing in a chaise lounge, channel Greta Garbo and avoid sunlight and society. Dammit. I'll never really know.

The worst part of epilepsy is the not knowing.

When will I have another damn seizure?
Am I moody because everything has been dead and brown for the last eight months or am I stuck with this for life?
Will anyone want to spend time with me because I'm being insufferable?
Who will I freak out the next time I check out from a seizure?
How many times am I going to have to give the same "funny-so-it's-not-scary" description of my disease that is never going to go away?

This fucking sucks.
I hate spring.
Grrrr....

where's the damn chocolate.
if you don't like my goddamn swearing I'll put a hole in your brain and then you can tell me how you feel about things in six months or so. I'm sure everything will be just fine and dandy.