A seizure at the beginning of the weekend erased last week. I do live off my calendar, so there are clues to my overambitious plans. Did I really dutifully return to a project started with immense energy, which has lost its charm? My calendar said I did.
Did I act or did I hope?
The calendar illustrates the holes of my past that I refill with memories that are glimpses out of the corner of my eye. Guesses. Deductions. Aspirations. Doubt.
The guys try to protect me against anxiety by filling in the gaps. They laugh but their anxiety is an under current. The stress is contagious because they can't protect me. There is nothing they can do.
This seizure was disturbing--I don't think I missed meds. Did I take them too late? Was it an outside factor? Work is, or rather was, rich with anxiety.
The upside of a seizure is I forget stress. The brain the stops and lets go.
People pay good money for the same result--let stress vanish. Medications, therapy, drinking, drugs, the gym and contorting their bodies with the hope the brain lets go.
A seizure is very efficient for losing stress.
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