Off Topic: I got scammed by a Nigerian. Really and Truely.

***This has nothing to do with epilepsy but is a hopefully a helpful tale of the misuse of trust, moderate stupidity and sigh inducing gullibility. It includes a rather nasty chat between me and the scammer, which insults religion, has vile language and may not be appropriate for those who lack a warped sense of humor.***

So as you may or may not know in addition to getting paid to work for world peace I am also a landlord. I have a small fiefdom here in glamorous Troy with terrific tenants and never ending projects and repairs. It is fun/stressful but worth it in the long term. The most recently acquired building is a convent built on a beautiful private park. It was remodeled in the 1890s transforming it to a Italian Romanesque beauty.

Renting apartments is a time consuming but interesting process. I've met some lovely people and tried to convince them to give me money. For a landlord the biggest expense is having an unrented apartment. So I was pretty excited when a Ph.D. from London named Jeff Collins contacted me to rent a foxy apartment at the convent that was once a chapel. I had posted an ad on Craigslist where I have found some great tenants.

I'm a sucker for smarties what can I say. But my intellectual snobbery was my undoing in this case. He laid out a story that I can cut and paste from craigslist's scam warning page. The particulars in my case are in red.

A distant person offers a genuine-looking (but fake) cashier's check

• you receive an email (examples below) offering to buy your item, or rent your apartment, sight unseen. Yup. He emailed me and wanted the apartment immediately. Only after a few emails did he ask for more detailed pictures. I busted my ass to get him a gazillion pics.
  
• cashier's check is offered for your sale item, as a deposit for an apartment, or for just about anything else of value. In this case it was a certified check. I've never gotten a certified check, so I assumed that "certified"="guaranteed." Oh what a fool was I!
  
• value of cashier's check often far exceeds your item - scammer offers to "trust" you, and asks you to wire the balance via money transfer service Ha! He gave me what I required--first month's rent & security deposit ($2000), plus almost $2000 more to cover the cost of furniture that he was purchasing before he moved. He needed help coordinating the delivery and since he was moving from abroad I agreed to make his life easier. He did not returne the favor.
  
• banks will often cash these fake checks AND THEN HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE WHEN THE CHECK FAILS TO CLEAR, including criminal prosecution in some cases! This is not only true but the worst outcome of this scam. I was lucky enough to figure it out a day or so after I deposited the check and it looked like it cleared. Remember it takes banks longer to confirm that checks actually have funds behind them. Even though it had cleared and I had the credit in my account didn't make that check real. If I had spent all that money before the bank found the fraud, I would have been in the hole $4000. I called my bank immediately and they confirmed that it was a fake. Before assuming that your bank is being unreasonable remember that they have no proof that you didn't create that fake check and then pretended that I was scammed.
  
• scam often involves a 3rd party (shipping agent, business associate owing buyer money, etc) In this case there were two--the "uncle" in California who sent me the certified check and the furniture dealer "Vera Pavlova" in North Miami Beach, Florida. Why I didn't pick up on the fact that her name was Pavlova was pretty dumb on my part. In otherwords, they got me trained like Pavlov's dog.
  

3. Someone requests wire service payment via Western Union or MoneyGram:

• Scam "bait" items include apartments, laptops, plasma TVs, cell phones, tickets - but could be almost anything
• Often claim that an MTCN or confirmation code is needed before he can withdraw your money - this is FALSE, once you've wired money, it is GONE. This dude pestered me by phone, email and chat for that damn MTCN number. It was just a way for them to know when they could go to Western Union to pick up the cash. Within a n hour of me wiring it it was gone.
  
• Common countries currently include: Nigeria, Romania, United Kingdom, Ukraine, Spain, Italy, Netherlands - but could be anywhere Thats what I get for being an Anglophile. Damn those Princes and their crown jewels.
  
• Apartment listing may be local, but landlord/owner is "travelling" or "relocating" and needs you to wire money to them abroad. Exactly what occurred. He was moving here for a job, but always glossed over when he would be starting and what it was exactly.
  
• Deal often seems too good to be true, price is too low, rent is below market, etc He sounded perfect--glamorously foreign, intelligent (except for his inconsistent grammar and poor spelling [smacks forehead], and so eager. I STILL am trying to get these apartments rented!
  

What kills me is not the loss of $2000. Losing money is bad but not the end of the world--hell I might be able to write it off as a business expense! As in so many conflicts the emotions are harder to resolve than the facts. That picture is of one of the columns at the entry to the convent. "Peace" and "Hospitality" were carved into long before I was born. These are values that I hold more sincerely than I may let on. Especially hospitality. It is a pretty deeply instilled value. My grandparents have become longterm friends with a lady who knocked on the door selling something or another. They dressed her up in evening gowns and she's never escaped. My parents have taken in children who became my sisters and default nephews. I feel a moral obligation to make people feel welcome and included.

This bastard used that value against me. It feels like mental rape. I'll beat that asshat to death with a welcome mat if the opportunity arises. I was trusting. I was helpful. I was nice. I wanted to be a good person, a good businessperson, a good landlord, a good citizen. I still want to be those things. Some scammer does not have the power over me to take them away. I'm pissed but I'll recover.

And be smarter.

It is one thing to hear the old adage "It's too good to be true." Damn, that's dropped out of my mouth when I've worn the mantle of being wise, intelligent, and opinionated and bossy as hell. But it is not so simple to connect theory and practice. Getting bonked around by life makes that connection. Maybe my story will make it easier for someone else, but given the number of people scammed this way it will not be the solution.

Interestingly when I reported this scam to the police, attorney general, bank, Western Union, FBI, Secret Service and random friends, I could hear the sigh, shaking of the head and "this happens a lot." As in A LOT. Even the local FBI said that they get at least 10 cases a day. Western Union was even more resigned--for them it is in the thousands probably daily.

There are a lot of resources warning consumers, but sadly once it is done the odds of getting prosecution are very low. There are lots of different scams but generally if you feel weird about an internet sale or other kind of deal at least do a google search. All it took for me was "Jeff Collins Scam." He was in the top three hits.

If you are wandering around the tubes reading how to avoid being scammed, you must go read Dean Cameron's Spam Scam Scam. It has had me weeping with laughter. Plus he inspired me to torture my scammer, Jeff Collins on google chat his week. It went on for three hours, so I'll give you the highlights. I may have shot myself in the foot and eliminated the chance to catch this punk but since I'm not holding my breath this was the catharsis that I needed.

Torturing the Scammer Who Scammed Me
with commentary in red

3:12 PM Jeff: hi emily

3:13 PM Emily are you there?

3:17 PM me: Oh no! I just talked with my bank and because I made a big deposit and withdrawl over the weekend they put a strict limit on my account! The most I can withdraw today is $500. I will have to wire it tomorrow :(

3:18 PM I'm sorry this is really inconvient. If you send me Vera's phone, I'll get in touch with her, so the movers don't come today!

Jeff: i already told her to call you herself as son as she picks up the money

3:19 PM she will call and find out the most convenient time for you for the delivery

3:20 PM can you wire the 500 today?

3:21 PM so the delivary can be partly secured

3:23 PM are you there?

3:24 PM me: I will see if I can. My bank is being really awful though. Hopefully I can wire it after 5 pm. But that might screw things up for you if furniture was coming tonight

3:27 PM jeff are you there?

3:30 PM let me know Vera's number and I'll call her right now and explain

3:34 PM Jeff: dont bother Emily i'll handle that

i already have another check sent to you

3:35 PM i 'll send the tracking number tommorow

all i want you to do now is to send the 500 to vera

3:36 PM she will call you herself to schedule delivery with you

3:37 PM me: that would be great. By the way, how is the new job looking? You are very lucky as the economy is getting bad here

3:40 PM oh! good news! My bank will let me send all the money now--I just got a call (The dicking around begins--will he get his money or not. This is a theme of the chat with me bringing in a cast of characters who might give the cash. Remember at this point he's already gotten me to send him $2000. He's trying for another $1300.)

3:44 PM Jeff: good

3:45 PM me: I know I am very relieved

3:47 PM tell me about your new job though

3:48 PM you must be so excited!

3:49 PM shoot. The bank manager just called me back. She said that that they can let me withdraw only $400 today but on Wednesday I can probably get the rest. They have to talk with their regional branch.

3:53 PM Jeff: but you said you can withraw 500 earlier

why the drop to 400 Emily?

3:57 PM me: I don't know! I am so frustrated

Jeff: Dont be frastrated Emily (Aaaaaaaah! How easily I was confused the British spellings of words that Ph.D.s have not mastered!!)

3:58 PM i'm so sorry if i am putting through some trouble ok

i'll sure make it up to you when i arrive ok

what do you like Emily

3:59 PM i can get you a nice gift from here

me: that is so thoughtful

Jeff: so tell me what you like as gift (When he gets desperate he goes for the girl + gift = I get $$$ formula. I worked on him to send me flowers)

thoughtful?

---------

Now I dedicate myself to building a web of ridiculous circumstances that keep me in my office unable to go to Western Union. And flirt because I am a shameless evil woman.

4:15 PM me: well, I know that we already have such a good relationship, which I appreciate

4:17 PM Tell vera that I can't get out of my office until maybe 6pm.

My boss just said we have to have an emergency telephone meeting because one of our board members died (not exactly but could be feasible_

4:18 PM do you think you can reach Vera in time. I don't want her to have to keep running to western union!

4:21 PM Jeff: just tell me precisely when you will go send the money

she need not to be running to western union

4:22 PM she will only go to western union after i have sent her the MTCN

so when pecisely are going to wire the money to her today? (Remember that the MTCN will be the confirmation for his partner to get the money. He will do all he can to not give out details. I fight back by eliminating his ability to call me on my cell. Each time he did his number came up restricted)

4:24 PM me: I feel so bad. Should I just call her when I send it? My cell is almost dead and I will have to call her from home.

4:28 PM It might end up being rather late tonight, depending on how long this call goes.

4:29 PM It is terrible--he died in a really bad car accident. I'm in shock honestly

Jeff: just email me the MTCN as soon as you send it

i will contact Vera and send her the MTCN

4:30 PM i'm so sorry about his death

take heart

things like that happens (His sensitivity shines through, eh?)

4:31 PM are you in the office now?

4:32 PM me: yes. His car was hit by a semi (a really big truck--what do you call them again in England?) and it apparently went off a bridge.

My boss might have to talk with news reporters

4:33 PM Jeff: its terible

4:34 PM i wish i can calm you Emily

but i'l try though

lol

i just want you to lighten up ur mood

4:35 PM me: it is so sad because he came to our office to meet with me. We were designing a conflict resolution training for the neighborhood that I live in

He was going to meet all my great tenants in December

I was really looking forward to introducing you, as he was from Wales

4:36 PM Jeff: i see

so bad he died

lets shift from the subject Emily

may be it will help you to get it off ur mind (A friend has been drowned and crushed in an overly dramatic accident, how does this dastardly man reply?)

4:37 PM so can i ask you something personal?

4:38 PM Jeff: are you married?

4:39 PM me: no. are you?

Jeff: nope

4:40 PM can i ask something again?

4:42 PM me: yes okay. You seem so nice, why haven't you found a girl as great as you

Jeff: lol

dunno

may be the same reason you have not found a man as great as you (Whooo hoo! This could be my opportunity to catch me an entrepreneurial, clever man in the financial services sector. If I could redirect his energies to the mortgage market just imagine the profits I could reap!)

me: especially since you are smart with a Ph.D. and so willing to be understanding

4:43 PM Jeff: how old are you Emily?

me: well, I was engaged for awhile but it didn't work out because he was hurt very badly (Introducing tragedy #2--the doomed romance)

4:44 PM I'm 36--was that your age too? (Ahh how personal details get muddled after being scammed)

Jeff: yup

what a conincidence

whats ur b day?

4:45 PM me: in Togo. He got malaria and it went into his brain.

4:46 PM he didn't come back the same person

he didn't even remember my name (Brain dead fiancee doesn't even ruffle the feathers)

Jeff: i'm sorry

4:47 PM me: actually my birthday is wednesday!

Jeff: really?

4:48 PM me: yes! it sucks that this death just happened because we usually celebrate birthdays at the office. It is cool--nice cake and flowers usually

4:49 PM we probably won't have it thoubh because of this death

Jeff: Emily i want you to get your mind off the death subject ok

4:50 PM i dont want you in a bad mood

me: sorry this conference call that I'm listening in on is really grim. I am glad that you are here to cheer me up

Jeff: the honor is mine Emily (He does almost seem nice and genuine at this point.)

---------
And he keeps the charm flowing, despite the fact that I slowly get weirder and weirder)

Jeff: but i am begining to think you will be a good company once in a while

hun? (Whoo hoo--I'm going to get laid by a Nigerian Scammer!)

me: I hope I can be a fun person. I would be happy to introduce you to some of the fun and crazy people I know

Jeff: you are a very intresting person (Interesting, huh? To my Midwestern ears this may be a veiled insult)

5:03 PM and i like you (Gonna get some hot Nigerian ass)

thank you

that will be great

me: what do you like to do for fun? I can see if there is that here

5:04 PM Jeff: anything intresting

me: there are some really funny things in Troy--it is kind of a wacky place

Have you ever seen polo in the the UK or on TV? (Yes. Wacky. It slooooowly gets weirder and weirder)

Jeff: hmm

5:05 PM me: I hope I don't scare you about moving to Troy--everyone is very nice

Jeff: u mean polo game

?

me: yes polo game

Jeff: yep

me: with the horses and the club

Jeff: do play polo?

do u play polo?

me: no! I rode horses as a kid a lot. B

5:06 PM Jeff: ok

me: But here they have a very funny kind of polo at the summer festival.

Jeff: i see

me: They have little kids ride llamas.

5:07 PM Jeff: ok (Llama polo does not phase this dude. Seriously. Llama polo?!)

are you busy in the office now Emily?

5:08 PM me: well this phone call is still going on. It is really sad because each person is talking about Bill (our board member who died)

he was really special.

Jeff: i see

me: it is nice to be able to chat with you to avoid crying

Jeff: yeah

i dont want you to cry Emily (THEN DON'T STEAL MY MONEY MOTHER FUCKER)

5:09 PM me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you with all this

Jeff: i cant explain why, but i know i do care about you (Gonna get laaaaiiid. Gonna get laid)

------------
He's described himself as a "good christian" which was actually one of the things that pushed my skeptic button. But since he tried to use it as a hook, I worked to turn it around.

5:17 PM me: do you go alot to church? (My scammer grammar improves over the course of the conversation)

Jeff: a bit lot

lol

5:18 PM me: you know it is funny cause I went a lot as well and then I found a really cool church group

5:20 PM Jeff: i see

me: okay this is funny, my boss just give us some wine to toast Bill our board member

Jeff: hmm

Emily

5:21 PM how soon will you be leaving the office?

me: I hope you don't think I'm bad for drinking at work!
Have you ever done that?!

lol

5:22 PM Jeff: lol

you are not bad Emily

me: I feel bad.

and so sad

5:23 PM Jeff: pls dont be sad ok

i think i 'll be sad when you are sad Emily

me: well the wine is good. He was italian and we are going to have campari too.

Have you ever had campari?

5:24 PM Jeff: yup

5:25 PM me: is it good cause i dont want if it is gross

Jeff: dont take too much alchohol ok

its not too good for you ok (or I might get too wasted to get him his money)

5:27 PM me: Oh I won't because it might cause a seizure

Jeff: yeah

5:28 PM me: but we have to remember him

Jeff: yeah

me: have you ever had a fried die?

5:29 PM Jeff: its the best we can do for a departed soul

me: yes.

do you believe in hell?

5:30 PM Jeff: i just think its good to be good (Yeah. Right.)

--------------
Despite discussion of two deaths, llama polo, potential drunkeness and seizures, this man keeps right at his task--extract money.

5:37 PM Jeff: i hope you will go will go send the money to Vera as soon as you leave the office

me: this sucks cause I needed to get everything done tonight for you and to get to my church group meeting

5:38 PM Jeff: i know how you feel Emily

but just do it for me ok

5:39 PM thank you so much

like i said earlier i will really make up for all the troubles (Money is the cure for all evils, right?)

ok

---------

Now I lay the ground work for the slippery slope into bloodthirsty cultish behavior. Imagine if this were a genuine landlord chatting with you--a smart professional moving half way across the world for a job. I would be cowering under a chair.

Jeff: hmmm

i know God answers prayers

5:54 PM me: has he answered your prayers for all your hard work to find this new job?

5:55 PM Jeff: have you ever seen a miracle?

me: yes. this group did a reenactment of the old testement.

I hope this next part doesn't make you feel weird.

5:56 PM Jeff: ok

me: I don't want you to not come live here cause you think I'm wierd

it was just so amazing

can you trust me that Im a good person?

5:59 PM a good christian?

Jeff: yeah Emily (The set-up. I've made him believe that christianity is going to make me trust him and send him the money. Flirting and sympathizing mixed in create an entertaining cocktail)

i like you

you a good person

6:00 PM me: cause this was amazing. Maybe you will try it?

Jeff: what is it Emily?

6:01 PM me: they did old testiment cutting of lamb by the priest

it didn't hurt it cause they numbed the spot they cut.

it was like the bible. Have you read that part of the bible?

6:02 PM Jeff: i think so

6:03 PM me: it was kind of gross but the lamb didn't get hurt

and they took a little bit of the blood and put it in a cup

6:04 PM those fancy ones for communion (Seriously. Your new landlord goes to a church were they drain animals of their blood. This person will have the keys to your home. They will know where you live. But he presses on!)

Jeff: hmm

intresting

me: but the lamb was okay--it got up and walked around

Jeff: thats a miracle Emily

6:05 PM me: That wasn't the miracle though

the cup was blessed like in the bible

and then they said "trust jesus"

Jeff: ok

6:06 PM me: and then we tasted it. I was really scared

Jeff: so scared ?

me: what if it was blood! is that gross and scary

I would have run away forever

6:07 PM it was a moment where we had to totally trust jesus

have you ever felt that way?

6:08 PM Jeff: u mean to be so scared like you did?

6:09 PM me: yeah.

cause the blood we tasted wasn't blood

Jeff: not sure

may be when i was a kid

lol

6:10 PM cant remember anyway

6:11 PM me: the blood turned into coca-cola. the priest said not wine cause there were little kids and jesus doesn't want kids to drink alcohol

it was so weird but now I 100% know jesus is real

Jeff: hmmm

me: can you believe it?

6:12 PM Jeff: yeah Emily (Hahahahahaha! Blood turning to Coke? Really really really? Jesus is picking up some new skillz for the 21st century. )

-------------
He brings out the big guns--"I'm tired and need to go to sleep" "My furniture will be canceled" and persistent unending discussion of when, where & how to wire him money.

Jeff: so how much would you be able to send to her today?

6:17 PM me: 400 for sure but I will see if I can get more from my priest at the meeting tonight

Jeff: ok Emily

i will be so Glad if you can get more to add to the 400

6:18 PM me: you should come and drink the blood when you get here. Jesus said you should. he told me that you have to promise all your soul to him (The most insane character of all--the cruel, twisted, demonic priest who is loaded with cash. Please the priest and you get more money than you asked for!)

Jeff: ok Emily

6:19 PM me: but my priest is cool. he will give me all the money tonight--I just talked with him

can I still send it to Vera or will she be confused

?

Jeff: she will not be confused

-----

6:23 PM Jeff: can i go catch some sleep now Emily? (The sleep tactic is countered by my insane priest tactic)

6:24 PM just email me the MTCN and then call me so i can go check my email

me: my priest is very strict and makes tests that are hard. He won't give me the money if you don't do it. My bank will probably not give it to me because it is screwed up

6:25 PM my priest can give me cashj now and then I can go to western union so you can catch sleep

Jeff: pls do that Emily

Pls

6:26 PM me: you will type this prayer, so I can print it out for him?

then I can get your money?

Jeff: what prayer Emily?

me: my priest gave me a prayer that is a test of you as an obedient christian

you have to write it in this chat. (Obedience to religion is always a slippery slope)

6:27 PM I will tell you a line and you have to type it too.

Jeff: whats the prayer Emily?

me: he is not nice but he has a lot of money

It is called "I am not worthy lord" (Now the fun begins)

-------------

The Descent into Madness

me: type what I type OK--it is very simple and then I can meet him in 10 minutes

okay..type this:

"I am not worthy lord"

Jeff: ok

6:31 PM ''i am not worthy lord''

me: "I am a fool"

6:32 PM (pls type fast--if I don't meet him in 10 minutes he is leaving for Saratoga and won't give me the money)

Jeff: what kind of prayer is this Emily

6:33 PM what are you driving at?

i dont understand Emily (Perhaps his brain is overriding his greed? I press onwards.)

me: this is my priests prayer. he makes everyone say it if he is giving them his trust. He says we must show that we are lowly to be forgiven for are sins.

6:34 PM I cried the first time I said it, but you feel better afterwards and then he helps you whenever you need it. (Dude. Seriously. This priest gives you cash if you say a prayer tearfully. Aren't there pornos that use this as a plotline!)

-------------
There was some brief confusion over exactly how much money would be sent. I blamed messing it up (I offered to give him more money than he wanted) on my post-seizure screwed up memory. He bought it and returned to the prayer of the blood transmogrifying to Coke priest. Who likely also plays llama polo.
Jeff: ok

6:40 PM i will say the prayer

me: thank you for understanding. I want to treat you right. I will only send 1320 if you want. or 1500--you can pay me back when you get here

THANK YOU--you r the best.

Jeff: i already had a check sent to you Emily

and i said i will send you the gtracking number tommorow (Whoot! More fake checks!)

6:42 PM me: Yes--you are doing that. I know you are good and that you will give me the tracking number. I will send Vera 1320 so to not confuse anything

but you will say the prayer? Pls I have to go in a minute to catch him. Otherwise I have to run to his house

I just need to print out your chat of the prayer.

6:43 PM then he is happy and will give me the money

Jeff: i will say the prayer

ok

me: thank you! It sounds like mean prayer but it shows that you are humble and love jesus (Or are willing to say anything to convince someone to give you money. Jeff could have had such a glorious career in politics or religion)

ENJOY FRIENDS ENJOY

I am not worthy lord

"I am not worthy lord"

6:44 PM Jeff: "I am not worthy lord"

me: "I am a fool"

Jeff: "I am a fool"

6:45 PM me: "I am the lowest creature"

Jeff: "I am the lowest creature"

me: "My manhood has shriveled"

Jeff: "My manhood has shriveled"

6:46 PM me: "Worms are more well endowed"

6:47 PM Jeff: "Worms are more well endowed"

me: "I am a liar"

Jeff: "I am a liar"

6:48 PM me: "I am a fool"

Jeff: "I am a fool"

6:49 PM me: "I have soiled myself in fear of you"

Jeff: "I have soiled myself in fear of you"

me: "I will lick the hooves of pigs for you"

6:50 PM Jeff: "I will lick the hooves of pigs for you"

me: "I am a evildoer"

6:51 PM Jeff: "I am a evildoer"

me: "I am a cheat"

Jeff: "I am a cheat"

6:52 PM me: "I have stolen from elderly and raped the innocent meek"

6:53 PM Jeff: "I have stolen from elderly and raped the innocent meek"

me: "I know I will burn for all time"

6:54 PM Jeff: "I know I will burn for all time"

6:55 PM me: "I am a scammer and junkie and freak"

Jeff: you are confusing me now Emily (Oh no! Raping, pig licking, pants shitting and gangrenous weiners don't phase him, but "SCAMMER" perks him up)

i have to go sleep

whay sort of pryer is this

6:56 PM ypu have been making insulting my self all the while (Yes. And it will be shared with the internets)

me: please the prayer is almost done--it just has three more lines. I told you his a cruel priest and his prayers are designed to show that we are vile and not worthy.

Jeff: i will take no more insult fromn you Emily (Oh dear, I CAN'T believe he isn't buying this. Do we have a religious skeptic on our hands?)

6:57 PM me: Please I am not insulting you. This prayer makes me cry because I know you are not any of these things

Jeff: you are not saying the truth Emily

why are you doing this to me (To get some modicum of revenge)

?

me: I don't want to. If you just say three more lines I can got now to the priest and get the money for Vera.

6:58 PM Jeff: it will be so unfair if i dont have my furniture deliverd (Actually not so much.)

And we press onwards....
me: okay. You are so good

6:59 PM "I am a scammer and junkie and freak"

Jeff: "I am a scammer and junkie and freak"

7:00 PM me: (these are the worst ones but I know they are not true for you because you are good)

"I lick the lies of my lips like cum on my face"

7:01 PM Jeff: "I lick the lies of my lips like cum on my face" (Juvenile. You betcha. But damn that felt good)

And the climax...

7:04 PM me: Your lies Jeff Collins have got your friend Vera Pavolva and your uncle arrested by the FBI. INTERPOL knows your address and will be ass raping you in about 30 seconds. Your scamming ass will only be widened by your time in prision. Your alias is blown and I'm posting this all over the internet for people to laugh and scorn your stoopid ass. Go to hell you rat fucking Nigerian dickwad. You took my money but if I ever find you I'll take your arms off with a chainsaw and your ball off with a nail clipper"

:)

7:06 PM as I said, my priest is not a very nice man

and neither an I.

Jeff: i knew you were driving at something emily

7:07 PM who was fooling you this is is a scam?

me: you mean you are an honest man?

and the internet is full of lies and porn?

Jeff: i dont understand all you are saying about scam

7:08 PM me: How are you confused?

7:09 PM Jeff: i sent you a check which you cashed and yet you still say its a scam?

7:11 PM me: yes I think you are not telling me the truth. If so, what is the name of your job. What is Vera's number? If not a scam, then you can wire me the $1320 you need for furniture by Western Union and I will get it to Vera.

If you show me that you are an honest truthful non-cock sucking christian man than I will give you free rent for a year

7:13 PM But you are an uncreative scammer who copied and pasted a tricky deal from the internet.

7:14 PM Thanks for the fucking education--I hope you die of cancer of the ballsack.

Jeff: you are the one thats gonna die of leprosy (Awesome.)

and cancer too hun (Awesomer)

you lied to me too

7:15 PM that makes you a scammer (Awesomest)

and not me (Totally Tubular)

7:17 PM me: fortunately, I don't give a damn. I will blow your balls off with my shotgun when I meet you.

Jeff: i ove you Emily

7:18 PM i love you Emily

remeber we are gonna have dinner together Emily (I'm going to get laaaid. What a girl must do to find love in these modern times! He must like talking dirty, eh?)

me: yeah...I'm guessing you can afford to buy since you now are a few thousand dollars richer. I suggest lambs blood that tastes like coca cola

7:20 PM we can also have campari as an appertif following broiled arm of deceased board member

7:21 PM On the other hand, if you actually were moderately entertained this afternoon, send me those roses.

Still waiting on those flowers, but who knows...a girl could get lucky!

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By the way, if you are interested in renting this apartment or others I have available, check them out:
The Scammer's Target: One-Bedroom on Fabulous Washington Park $925
The Apartment He Should Have Targeted (He could have made money): Truely Unbelievably Beautiful Two-Bedroom, dripping with stained glass, intricate carving and giant bedrooms, $1125.